What do you get when you mix a lump of clichés with a directionless pacing and a group of characters who you don't care about and a failed attempt at creating an appealing visual style and an even bigger lump of clichés and a weak sense of humor and a really big budget? Why, you get one of the most intolerably unwatchable movies ever made! I'm referring, of course, to Domino.

Here are some things that people might say during the viewing of this movie:

"Ooh, wow, the storyline is told out of sequence, that hasn't been done a billion times before. And much more skillfully than in this movie."

"Wow, look at all of the flashing lights and grainy film texture and elaborate transitions! The director is trying so hard to make things look arty and to establish a visual style! It's just too bad that none of these effects add anything to the movie or make sense with the scenes they're in, and it's also too bad that most of them come across as irritating!"

"I've heard that exchange of dialogue in about twenty thousand movies before!"

"I've seen this scene in about thirty thousand movies before!"

"This one too!"

"Uh, didn't they reveal this 'plot twist' about half an hour ago? Was that supposed to be surprising?"

"If this movie is supposed to be showing a 'tough chick' going around kicking ass... when why doesn't she do very much of it?"

"I can't believe how unoriginal this dialogue is."

"How long is this thing? I feel like I've been watching it for over four hours already."

"I have no idea what just happened, but also, I don't particularly feel motivated to try to figure it out."

"Is this over yet?"

"I want my money back."

"The songs in this soundtrack feel so misused here."

"It's ironic that all of the cursing they use actually detracts from the impact of each one."

"UGH."

And, finally: "I might have to end my friendship with the person who recommended this movie to me."

In summation, this movie is a failure in nearly every aspect. Avoid watching it at all costs. If your house is on fire and this movie is playing in the only room that isn't flammable, you should seriously consider being burned alive instead.

(If I sound bitter, it's because I just spent over two hours watching this movie and, uh, I didn't enjoy it very much.)