And in fact we don't get to see it, we just get it said to Salami Coker (in typical subservient boson role) after he's faced a risible "giant walrus". The whole cast looks uncomfortable with the line, which requires a response of head-held-back "hearty laughter". This single moment is the most notable in the film; an instance of offensive racism being the only second that promotes something other than abject boredom.<br /><br />For a full-blown Technicolor rendition of fantasy and Arabic stereotypes may be many things, but dull is unlikely to be one of them. Yet Patrick Wayne leads the cast in a Sinbad tale that is curiously unengaging. Wayne's casting as the title role is a strange choice. Not because he's a Caucasian portraying an Eastern man, which was par for the course in the seventies, but because he has all the charisma and latent acting ability of a turd.<br /><br />His requisite love interest, Jane Seymour, is equally as wooden, and has quite a nasty character. Odd that the heroine should wish to draw blood from the villainess, with a "Let me have the spoils of her face!" So she can scar another woman because that woman is bad? Rather a mixed message to be sending out to the audience.<br /><br />Things only begin to pick up with the arrival of Patrick Troughton, an actor who has more screen presence in a single frame than Wayne does in the entire film. However, direction is too flat and the narrative too obscure for even the mighty Trout to rescue it. Despite the title, the film's plot doesn't involve Sinbad in a boxing match with Mr.T., but rather a quest to turn a baboon back into a Prince. On very slow boats.<br /><br />The special effects, good for the time, are undeniably ropy now – has anything aged quite as badly as stop motion? The effects also dictate the laborious pace of the piece. In order for the excessive animation to sit right, the actors give delicate, careful gestures when the creatures will be unconvincingly superimposed around them. So that these moments of contrivedly slow acting don't seem out of place, the rest of the film is downplayed to make one uniformly tedious whole. To this end, the special effects ARE the film, the actors taking a back seat to ever sillier plasticine monsters.<br /><br />Too old fashioned for today's youth, and lacking any sort of appeal for adults, this dated fantasy really is best consigned to the archives... and forgotten.