O. My. God. Is. This. Movie. Horrible.

That about illustrates what about 90% of this bit of telecinematic roadkill plays like. Slow-motion camera, used normally, acts as a kind of exclamation point to an action scene. Here it's used so much that it becomes and ectoplasmic sludge of periods and ellipses. Here are some of the things this technique manages not to render in stark dramatic relief:

1) Lots of things exploding.

2) Joanna Cassidy screaming.

3) Joanna Cassidy's daughter screaming. ("Mommyyyy!!")

4) Joanna Cassidy's school bus careening around the desert.

5) An "evil-looking" *snicker* black Dodge Charger careening around the desert after Joanna Cassidy's school bus.

6) More things exploding.

7) Everything in between the above items.

Needless to say, not a whole lot going on here. Probably a good 20 minutes of action footage in real time, along with a requisite but lame set-up story. What our brilliant director has done is take an action sequence and stretch it out enough to fill two hours of precious USA Network airtime. Not pad it out...STRETCH it out--literally, like a piece of Silly Putty, till you can see right through it. I guess the framing storyline qualifies as padding, on second thought, since it does fill out the allotted time, adds some exposition, and is absolutely inconsequential enough that it doesn't stick in my memory.

The only thing about the acting that I do distinctly remember is Joanna Cassidy screaming in realtime on the soundtrack while screaming in slow motion on the screen; I remember the scream sounding ridiculous, as if the dubbing director was giving her a wedgie. Or maybe it was a tooth being pulled. I doubt she was nominated for any Emmys for her heroic effort to get through this movie with a straight face.

The only things (besides the slo-mo and the endless explosions) I remember about the production are the awesomely retarded customization job on the Charger (huh huh, the grille looks like mad eyes, huh huh, diabolical, dewd) and the shot of the cop getting creamed by same at the beginning of the movie (actually kind of a neat effect--his boot goes flying off his foot).

I don't want to give away the nail-biting denouement, but I will give you a hint: something explodes. And something doesn't start. Until. The. Last. Possible. Second. The. End. Burp.