My comprehension of the meaning of the word "massacre" may not be entirely spot-on, but I would bet my left nut that there is no damn massacre in this friggin' movie! I don't care! If I can count the deaths on one hand, that is unworthy of the term "massacre". What a shame too, since a drive-in movie theater would be prime "massacre" territory. All those unsuspecting patrons sitting in cars, gazing carelessly ahead as an armed maniac, cloaked in darkness crawls around the lot looking for that next kill... Sounds like a good idea - so why couldn't this "The Drive-in Massacre" just structure itself in an even moderately entertaining way and deliver what it promises? This thing moves along sooo slow. In fact, every aspect of this movie is slow. It follows a pair of slow-witted, overweight cops who keep questioning a slow, semi-retarded drive-in employee who slowly rambles about nonsense that seems to be complete filler until the nonsense ending finally came... There are a couple scenes of young couples in cars being killed by some unseen assailant with a sword. These scenes are equally slow and irritating. The effects are terrible and the attempt at humor doesn't pan out how it was probably intended... Except for the arrogant, bald, and highly disparaging theater manager who never utters the faintest resemblance of a kind word through the entire movie. He was kind of funny, I guess. Though ovarian cancer is funnier than anything this movie had to offer. "The Drive-in Massacre" is just an incredible mess!