We all know how it goes. Cheesy music, ridiculous plot, terrible acting...<br /><br />But it's all good! Because stomach that and you get some hardcore action and you probably get off.<br /><br />Not this movie, however. Here, you will stomach the crap, all ninety minutes of it, you will be ready for the great cinematography at the heart of every porno, and you will get the end credits.<br /><br />Zilch. Zip. Nada. Ninety minutes of warm-up and no final product. Not even an exposed tit. Super Bowl XXXVIII had more action than this movie.<br /><br />A few random comments: <br /><br />1. Danica, WHY?! <br /><br />2. Michael Ray Bowers, leave Hollywood. Get in your car and drive for a very long time. Get out of your car, and set it on fire. Don't come back.<br /><br />3. Why does a 2002 movie look straight out of 1992? Everything from the fashion to the technology is completely outdated. Danica's hairstyle, in particular, looks stolen from the valley girls in the official Baby Got Back music video, circa 1994. And that's just within the film; for the actual picture quality, it appears to be a slightly improved version of Technicolor. Which, come to think of it, is another porno trait.<br /><br />So basically, if you like watching porn intros, rent this movie. If you're like the rest of us, just stay away.