After reading a few of the comments posted here about this 'film' I have only one thing to say...you got off easy!
Most people seemed to have rented this tripe and had the ability of just pressing stop. For those of us unfortunate enough to see it at the Toronto International Film Festival we weren't so lucky. The 'director' and 'cast' of The Item were present (and I think were watching the doors) and spending $12 on the festival ticket is much worse than seeing it in a "rent one, get one free" deal.
Worst movie ever made? I'd be inclined to agree.
What can be said that hasn't been said before? Some mediocre gore aside you're left with what the film has become famous for; Ultra cheap Super 8 film, dialogue written by a third-grader, and a penis-like slug that resembles something Jim Henson would have created on an acid bender. I used to be able to sleep at night feeling "The Item" would probably never be seen by human eyes again, but the fact that it's out on DVD now is just shocking... Apparently someone thought there was a demand for it!?!
A film to avoid at all costs (unless you watch it with "A Beautiful Mind" so you can have a craptacular double bill) but trust me, watch it and you'll want those 2 hours back on your death bed.