As I left the cinema I turned to my friend and said, "I'm glad I saw that film. Finally Batman and Robin isn't 'worst movie ever.'" And it's true, this film is really bad. That's not to say that it's boring, it's not, but it just reeks of 'bad'.
The basic story is simple. Some teenagers (typical clubbers, armed with cigarettes and drugs) play with a ouija board one night, and unlock some evil spirits. These spirits then hunt all the kiddies down and kill them one by one. Sounds like standard horror fare, but what actually makes the film bad?
For a start, the scriptwriters appear to have forgotten the cardinal rules of teen horror flicks. You don't kill the most attractive cast members first. That's the only reason why 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' was any good, the cute girls lasted to the end.
Not only that, but the scriptwriter appears to have written the script in a single sitting. Characters are often not where they're supposed to be and also have severe amnesia problems, forgetting what they did in previous scenes or information they have been given.
'Final Destination' used the element of surprise very effectively, despite being a trashy teen horror movie itself. Long Time Dead tries to copy its predecessor and fails. Any surprises in the film are simply marked by a loud Psycho-style hit from the orchestra.. If the team who made this film really believe that sudden loud noises are all you need to scare people, they should get back to film-making school.
The characters are also undeveloped. You really couldn't care less who's going to die next, and I was hoping they'd all die soon so we could reach the finale of this cinematic calamity. And yes, the ending is bad too! Typically cliché and you can see it coming a mile off.
I love cinema, and I've never slated a film like this before, but this film deserves it. Go and see it with some mates so you can laugh at the hideously poor acting and directing. It's almost as if this was the single film that the Scream series parodies. In that way, it's actually fairly entertaining, so I give it 2 out of 10.