"Films" like Date Movie are the lowest of the low; the lowest form of sludge churned out, stretched out and then given cinematic releases for whatever reason. Some films create rifts between the public consensus and the critical consensus; other films split people of both ilks straight down the middle; others may even come with the odd flaw here and there, but generally do enough to garner necessary enthusiasm from whichever camp. Whatever disagreements or deliberations people have with whoever about whatever, surely there has to be some sort of common bond between all cinema-goers alike, regardless of academic level; age; experience in film-going. This bond is born out of the fact that: Date-Movie-is-an-a-bom-in-a-tion; a woeful, disgusting, humiliating and sordid affair in which nobody comes away for the better. If there are half a dozen or so worser films from the last decade; indeed two decades; indeed half a dozen decades; indeed EVER; then we all, collectively as a human race, ought to hang our heads in shame.<br /><br />The sheer levels of stupidity Date Movie reaches is matched only by its uncannily moronic ability to scale new lows as each cringe-inducing sequence arrives, all the time scratching for new depths of depravity in a spoof; a jibe or a pastiche. Here is a film that says if you're not thin; not somewhat easy on the eye; not Caucasian or if you are somewhat physically deformed in some way, then there is absolutely neither no space nor no hope for you in this world; and if you DO NOT see to these 'flaws' immediately by way of 'correcting' them, then it's encouraged that you find some small space somewhere so that you may crawl up inside of it and die. Failing that, stay out of everyone else's sight at all times. Here is a film that has hopefully, in the past, had its cast members wake up in the middle of the night knowing they helped in producing this pile of garbage.<br /><br />From it's distasteful opening of a gentleman committing suicide at the mere sight of Alyson Hannigan, who's wearing a lot of padding to make her appear obese, to an altercation on a mock-Skull Island in which sexual assault is rendered both an item that is something to giggle at and actually somewhat enjoyable from the female standpoint, Date Movie's pro-Fascist agenda is there for all to see. Its reliance on sight gags sees it target overweight people; black people; physically impaired people (I believe the politically correct term is 'dwarf', but I'm not sure); people of a Mediterranean descent; people of an Hispanic descent as well as homosexuals. The film's idea is that you can be beautiful, but only after a severe makeover in which your physical appearance conforms to what makers Friedberg and Seltzer would want – they have an idea of a perfect man, as well, and that is in the form of the handsome, white, Aryan character named Grant Funkyerdoder, a character played by British actor Adam Campbell. Is this all starting to sound a little dodgy? Is it a coincidence the two guys that came up with this stuff have surnames of German descent? Creepy stuff. Probably all a sick coincidence, though.<br /><br />So anyway, if you're fat – you've got no chance in life with finding that special someone. If you're not of an ilk that sees you immediately light up the room with your radiant looks and charm, again, you're additionally a no-hoper. Good grief. It's a film that takes serious issues like love and relationships between people and renders them mere items worthy of a laugh or two; it's a film that thinks potential sexual relations between an old woman and cats are "funny"; it's a film that has created the most grotesque cinematic spectacle/character I've certainly ever seen by way of a cat that has severe diarrhoea; it's a film that clocks in at about 80-85 minutes depending on end credits and needs a triple take of the same gag Kill Bill-style to boost its runtime. <br /><br />On another note, apparently there exists this person called Jennifer Lopez, and apparently she has rather large buttocks, and apparently I need Date Movie to tell me this. People sat down at word processors and TYPED this stuff out; they printed it and PROOF READ it; it was GREEN-LIT; it was SENT to people auditioning for parts; it was SHOT and RE-SHOT and then EDITED to form some sort of basic sequence of moving images along with everything else – how on EARTH does this manage to happen? If one wanted to stir controversies, one might liken such a chain of events to the coming of power of {insert name of brutal dictator here} in {insert nation} and everything that {dictator's name} did and how it all went seemingly entirely unnoticed. This disastrous process of immorality and deathly attitudes to life and those around you just being breezed through for sake of riches, power, glory – it's disgusting.<br /><br />Films have been banned for less than what Date Movie does. People sent Stanley Kubrick death threats back in the early 1970s upon the release of A Clockwork Orange, which forced him into pulling from cinemas what was one of the greatest films of that decade. People lobby to get, what is to them, grotesque and disgusting films censored; banned; pulled; destroyed; locked away in a vault somewhere so that no one can find them – but where are these people when Date Movie is released? Where are these people, in their infinite wisdom, when this faux-harmless spoof comedy is released into the mainstream multiplexes, capped at PG-13/12A, for everyone to roll in and get their kicks out of? Nowhere, that's where – they're too busy attacking films like A Clockwork Orange, Natural Born Killers and the-like. British based Channel 4 critic Leigh Singer describes 2008's Disaster Movie as "Anti-comedy. Anti-cinema. Anti-life.", an additional statement that rather aptly sums up this piece.