In 1991, after a career spanning four albums and the death of one of history's most talented bassists, Metallica released an album that sold tens of millions of copies worldwide and made them household names. And over the next couple of years, the cult of Metallica became so feverish it was literally impossible to escape mention or playback of the band. And that was when the first cracks in the band's image as a band of the people, only out there to provide alternatives, appeared. After saturating the market with live albums, videos, and merchandise, Metallica reached the point I am sure the members liked to kid themselves they would not. In other words, they began to repel audiences through mere mention. And with their material becoming progressively more poppy, more formulaic, not to mention more predictable, one sees the point at which they should have given up the ghost was now at least thirteen years in the past. Former fans used to urge them to retire while they had a shred of dignity left. It is now too late for that.<br /><br />An aspect of the anti-MP3 tirades from Lars that fans or former fans do not often mention is that Lars is scared out of his mind of the Internet and MP3. Not because of the possibility of theft of his music (this, from a band that gained much of its initial notoriety through tape-trading). Rather, it is because MP3 to a large extent levels the playing field in terms of exposure. It is now just as easy for bands signed to labels that do not have million-dollar warchests to saturate the listener with to reach a new audience. And as anyone familiar with the black or doom metal undergrounds can tell you, those bands utterly destroy any claim to uniqueness the band has. Speedy, blinding drum patterns with integrated guitar progression? Morbid Angel or Kataklysm do it far better. And the more I emphasise that Therion have had choirs and orchestras as an integral component of their material since before Metallica's post-black-album crisis of how to revive suddenly ailing record sales, the better.<br /><br />So when one sits down to view Some Kind Of Monster with those facts in mind, it only further exposes what a bunch of ignorant, spoiled children Metallica really are. Some say that everything the band had in terms of potential or soul died with Cliff Burton, and while it took a while for this to become apparent, I can only agree. If Burton were alive today, he would be shaking his head in disbelief at what burgeois babies his former bandmates have turned into. Fortunately, Burton's successor, a man I had thought of as a poseur going by the name of Jason Newsted, wins back audience respect by showing enough disbelief for both himself and Burton. Whilst I would be the first to protest that there are many problems a hundred million dollars cannot cure, the willingness of the band to rub their possession of such money in the face of their audience says a lot about the true nature of their problems. Not only that, but the fact that their problems are entirely voluntary while people with problems of an involuntary nature who barely have enough to eat, leave alone make a film about the matter...<br /><br />Well, to put it bluntly, this is not just a slap in the face to fans, former or otherwise. This same bunch of children is sitting here and giving an entire world the finger. Their propensity to blame everyone but themselves for their misfortunes, regardless of their merit, only highlights the problem. Were I able, I would strap James and Lars into seats and force them to watch people comment on this documentary. Perhaps then they might understand that their declining sales have nothing to do with piracy, MP3 trading, or even bootlegging. The party with the most responsibility for the fact that the party is now over stares them in the face every day when they look in a mirror. What makes it even more sad is that even admitting this to themselves and changing the manner in which they conduct themselves accordingly will not fix things anymore. They have literally soiled their nest so badly that they could go to another planet and they would still be that talentless band who were given everything and chose to rub it in everyone's faces.<br /><br />Does this mean the documentary is entirely worthless? Well, no, there are moments in which outside observers quietly spin the affair into something real, which is where most of the comedy is derived from. As James, Lars, and to a lesser extent Kirk all make themselves look like bigger and bigger idiots, it is people like Dave Mustaine or Torben Ulrich who come off looking the best. The former because he shows us that just because you have a number one single and multi-platinum album does not mean you are more successful. The latter because he speaks the mind of every truly musical person on the planet when Lars plays him the track the band is thinking of opening the new album with, by telling Lars quite plainly that he would throw it in the trash, never to be heard again. The problem with the latter scene being that it has come about fourteen years too late. For reasons like this, one could view Some Kind Of Monster as a kind of black comedy. It is funny to laugh at a pack of yuppie idiots who have no idea what is going on. But it is also sad to think of what they could have been.<br /><br />Some Kind Of Monster is a one out of ten film. The band doubtless intended it to be brilliant, but I doubt they meant to accomplish that by being this stupid.