Romance, adventure, sailing the high seas, sinister villains who desire to rule the world, cliff top fighting, F-16's, courageous heroes, bumbling sidekicks, daring heroines, over powering sandstorms, high speed train chases, mythical legends, desert runaways, native wrestling, pirate kings, daydreaming, secret maps, kidnapping, dastardly explosions, deadly death traps, and a couple who reunite in the shadow of doom. And to sum it all up, it's a sequel to "Romancing the Stone." A sure masterpiece, you think? Then you have yet to see "The Jewel of the Nile," that rare film that destroyed a reputation and a career.
The movie takes a turn for the worse when the opening sequence presents itself. It is only a daydream scene, but oh, what a daydream it is. It features Jack (Michael Douglas) and Joan (Kathleen Turner) getting married on a boat in the middle of the sea. The suddenly, a pirate captain invades their territory evolving into a fight with the same laughable quality as a middle school drama play. The script is all down hill from there, and trust me, it has to dig its way though the gravel, for it is already at the bottom of the barrel.
Then there's the dialogue in which the subtext quality of the characters' conversations explains how they feel; an almost certain suicide for any movie's structure: showing the character's feelings is the right way of development, telling the audience about them is the wrong way.
How about the film's disappointing false second act. In which we first learn that the characters will be searching for a certain "jewel," then half way though the production, the problem is solved, and a new one then opens: a villain named Omar wishes to take over the world. There we have it, two conclusions, neither of the two related to one another, leaving the audience to only wish that there was an actual storyline basis here. The entire second act does absolutely nothing to further the plot movement.
And the villain, Omar, who has zero dramatic structure to him. In a selected scene he is made to look dumber than a stump. In another, he devises a trap that not even Einstein could have concocted. And the Jack and Joan characters, who seem to look like they can take care of themselves, are saved in every danger scene by a natural complexion rather than their own smarts. None of the explained characters contain anything of interest to the viewer.
The performances are about as good as anything else in the film. Kathleen Turner looks like she'd rather be in bed than on the set. Douglas seems to have very little confidence in the screenplay, and Danny DeVito is nothing but a pesky little goofball.
How about the romance in which Joan and Jack argue one minute and make love the next. There is no imagination in the scenes developing chemistry between their relationship. Thus we never care about what goes on between them.
There is some comedy in "The Jewel of the Nile," that is colorful and energetic. Most of which isn't all that laughable, however. I did laugh a few times, though, but I don't think those scenes were meant to be funny.