This movie was just too intentionally cheesy for me, as well as too lacking in real excitement or scares. And it's no surprise to find that Roger Corman, whose movies I just don't respond to, is the producer behind it all.<br /><br />The movie opens with this sales film detailing how these new robots will patrol the mall after it has closed and harpoon any burglars. Then there's a live demonstration in front of an audience, with real tension that the robot is going to malfunction and blow the guy away right on stage, a la the opening scene of Robocop… and now I see that Robocop came out a year after this one. Coincidence? We may never know. I do know that I wished the robot HAD blown the guy away, but whatever. Then there's a marginally amusing montage of life if the mall circa 1986.<br /><br />Then we start getting introduced to the "characters," composed of two sluts and a "good girl," and two moron studs and a "nerd guy." Can you guess who ends up together? There are also various security and janitorial personnel on hand. Anyway, so there's a big electrical storm with tons of lightning that all strikes over and over in the same place, but without any rain. Characters outside during this time do not see any lightning, either. Such is the strangeness of this natural phenomena, I guess.<br /><br />Well, anyone who's seen Short Circuit, released the same year, or even Stealth this year, knows that if there's lighting within five miles of a robot, it will hit the robot and reprogram it to either learn what it means to be alive or to become an unstoppable killing machine. It is the latter in this case.<br /><br />So this security guard is all freaked out by the lightning, but as soon as it's over, he seems to think to himself "Alright! Now I'm gonna look at some porn!" and whips out a magazine. How come they're ALWAYS looking at the centerfold in these movies? There's nude pictures on the other pages too, ya know. Not that I KNOW, I mean, I've just HEARD. Anyway, as anyone who has ever seen a movie before knows, looking at a porn mag MEANS certain death, and this guy comes to a boring and abrupt end. Then more people die, as a way of stalling us before we start seeing the horny teens (all played by people appearing to be in their late 20s) get killed.<br /><br />The teens "party" at this frankly embarrassing event at which they have to pretend to be having fun while oblivious to the fact that there's only six of them there. In the background a song called "Streetwalkin'" plays. Then they all have sex, within plain view of each other, on the beds in the furniture store. Except for the good girl and nerdy boy, who just watch an old (Roger Corman) movie. The girl squeals and hides her face at a small explosion, saying she's easily scared, which I guess is supposed to function as character development.<br /><br />So, in one of the only amusing developments, one of the women goes all princessy and needs a smoke, of a certain brand, before she can start putting out (though it seemed like they already had done it, and… I don't understand). She says "I have to have a cigarette and I have to have one NOW!" So the dippy guy has to go get one, and of course he gets killed. I tell you, the women in this movie made me very glad that I'm gay. Not that the guys are much better, but at least they're quieter, don't pretend at mood swings just to get attention, and will go get you cigarettes if you throw a hissy fit. Anyway, then the robot chases the woman who wanted the cigarettes and blows her head off in the film's grossest effect. From that point on it's all scream, chase, killing, blah, blah, blah, as the teens try to blow up the robots and escape.<br /><br />Big yawn. This movie is only 77 minutes, and even so there was a lot of fast-forwarding. For one, I just don't love these kinds of movies. For two, really clumsy robots can't do much except shoot and squeeze, so the deaths they are capable off aren't really that gory or scary or interesting. There is little to no actual "chopping." And the robots don't have much personality and certainly no motivation. And the whole thing just isn't as silly as it should be. Well, it's silly, it just isn't silly FUN.<br /><br />Hey, check out my site on bad and cheesy movies (plus a few good ones) at Cinema de Merde… which you can find it through the url in my email address.