Once upon a time, I naively believed that a film could be THE WORST simply by its own dubious merit. Years of hearing people describe "Seven Mummies" or "House of the Dead" as THE WORST eventually changed my mind... these are notably bad movies, but are enjoyable enough despite/because of this, and thus cannot possibly be THE WORST. 'No,' I reasoned, 'a movie can only truly be called THE WORST by disappointing its audience. The many sub-subpar giallo attempts must truly be THE WORST for offering a glimmer of tasty material, tricking us with what seems like a tense build-up, and finally, cruelly, robbing us of any payoff.' This philosophy carried me through many a night of terrible-movie-watching.<br /><br />Then... I saw "THEY".<br /><br />I had no expectation, unlike my viewings of "Kill, Baby, Kill" or "Silent Night, Bloody Night." Had I been less than entertained, I would have thought nothing of it. I received the movie as part of a 50-movie pack (from Mill Creek) and only put it on to pass the time. <br /><br />And yet, something happened.<br /><br />Aside from the plot and effects there was nothing overtly laughable about this movie. The acting was far from the worst I've seen, and the locations were believable if a bit cheap. Nothing immediately sparked my interest (aside from a mention of "bizarre creatures" in the DVD blurb) nor pointed out that this movie would be shockingly, horrifying dull. But this was far from Middle Of The Road bad. It was abysmal. It both terrified and sedated me. I suppose many could have slept through this, saving themselves the trouble of figuring out why such apparently total devastation resulted from such minor vandalism (perpetrated by such teensy, frail saucers). Only the bearded hippie's mind-scrambling "logic" kept me awake long enough to witness the utterly flabbergasting ending. A few questions remain: -What was that light? -What caused the humorous loss of motor control exhibited by various character? -Where was Eric crawling to for half an hour? -Why did God not mercifully strike me down before witnessing the last minute? -Who--dear god, WHO would fund this??<br /><br />I've been enlightened. This is THE WORST movie I have ever seen, despite my lack of expectations. I'm infected with rage at how bad it was. My girlfriend is literally showing symptoms of poisoning. Even a Torgo couldn't salvage this boring, sniveling, half-assed, hick/hippie-oriented sack of filth.<br /><br />Goonfactor: practically nonexistent, spiking to extremely high in the last ten seconds.