STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning <br /><br />I've been reviewing films on IMDb for ten years now. I've reviewed well over a thousand. I've seen and reviewed all sorts of films. Some are adaptations of great novels or cult TV shows that were destined to become great films. Some may have been true life stories that had to be made into a film. And others may have been less audacious, and simply been made to be a simple piece of escapist, B movie fun. That seems to have been the case with Alien Agent...but the result couldn't have been worse. Instead, it is a film that leaves one word wondering around in your mind: why? What was the point of it? What inspired a supposedly intelligent movie producer to think there was any chance it would be a big hit, either on the big screen or on DVD? Are there not loads of talented, up and coming young artists crying out for their big break, for whom the budget for this useless excuse for a film could have spring boarded their careers? What is the point of it? <br /><br />Mark Dascascos's career reads like a whole charge sheet of direct to DVD mediocrity, with the occasional supporting appearance in a big studio film that sees the light of day at a cinema screen. I haven't seen most of them, to be honest, and maybe there are some films in that barren landscape of filmic drudgery that would make this codswallop seem like a masterpiece (shudder.) But he's the lead star here, and that ain't great marketing potential to get your film noticed much. Then there's his co star Billy Zane, who just over ten years ago spoke with an elequted British accent in Titanic, the biggest film of all time in scope of scale and budget. While Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet's careers have taken off quite grandly, fate has dealt him the unlucky hand and he gets to co star in drivel like this, where he first speaks with a weird American trucker accent before being magically transformed into a more smoothly spoken evil alien type guy.<br /><br />You'll notice I've forgone the traditional plot summary, which is too apathetic to make a fuss about. Some nonsense about an alien race from another planet that have developed a portal to our world to drain our natural resources and eventually enslave our species, which Dacascos's 'alien agent' must try and sort out. I could go on about this, and the atrociously bad acting, and the unbelievably cheap looking special effects (mainly, what appear to be sparkler sprinkles coming from the slain alien invaders) the even shoddier looking sets and the complete lack of any exciting action through out...but frustratingly, this is one of those films where I could tell from the trailer it was going to be rubbish and so, I kind of feel like I only have myself to blame to be honest.<br /><br />Alien Agent is one of those films that just makes you wonder why you even bother watching movies anymore. I know this is more of a rant than I should be wasting on a film of such unimportance but...I just can't figure out why anyone thought this would have appeal to anyone and, if there is, even with such an obviously low budget and B list cast, they made such a p!ss poor job of it. It's such a waste of time and, lets be honest, a waste of emerging talent. NO STARS