It's always on buses, planes and other modes of transportation where I end up watching movies like this one. For some reason though, I didn't plug my iPod back in and do something more meaningful, like stare blankly out my window and try to make animals out of the clouds in the sky on my way to New Hampshire. No, I watched the whole movie from start to finish, somehow believing that it had to get better as the movie went along.<br /><br />To my chagrin, it did the opposite.<br /><br />Anyway, the film starts out a serviceable enough romantic comedy. The premise isn't too contrived: he is a slacker guy who doesn't move out of his house because of some issues in his past. She is a girl that dates guys (for money) to help them get over whatever issues they have that prevents them from leaving their parents' homes (because of issues she has in the past). Okay, so it is contrived. But I tried to see past the way-too-obvious setup to find some golden performances. By... nobody. In fact, all the characters are unidimensional and even the leading characters' "depth" has the subtlety of a nuclear warhead.<br /><br />But that's the not actors fault, Matthew McConaughey of the mindblowing dragon film Reign of Fire and the unforgettable romantic comedy The Wedding Planner does an incredible job at playing Tripp, the aforementioned two dimensional character. In fact, he does such a good job that I really did think that Tripp was made of cardboard and that his emotions were indeed drawn onto his face with a magic marker. And what can be said of Sarah Jessica Parker? She's really come a long way from playing Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. Her character is so different from her previous character that it was a 360 degree change! Of course, adding that the direction is outstanding like the classic Western martial arts comedy Shanghai Noon, I just couldn't take my eyes off the screen. Because I think someone pulled them from my sockets and placed them there.<br /><br />Really though, I might be making this film sound like just about every contrived uninventive uninspiring star vehicle excuse of a romantic comedy that you've ever seen, but it's got more! It's got vicious animal attacks that makes FOX's When Animals Attack! seem like, well, a documentary! Honestly, the inclusion of these scenes only serves to create a phenomenal incongruity in the film, making the "oh-so-real-life" premise seem that much more believable. Because chipmunks, dolphins and vegetarian lizards really do bite people who don't leave their parents' homes.<br /><br />What other accolades shall I place upon this golden shining example of a film? It almost made me hate myself for watching the whole thing. Oh, actually, I think it did. It takes a special movie to cause that reaction. Why, oh why, do I allow myself to get trapped on buses and planes and watch this madness? Thankfully, the trip back had a showing of 12 Angry Men that, in combination with the wonderful meals provided to me by my gracious hosts in New Hampshire, helped to calm the ire that Failure to Launch sparked inside me.<br /><br />Come to think of it, "Failure to Launch" is a very apt title for this movie. Recommended? No. Watch it for fun? No. Honestly, though, you might find it passable entertainment if you're bored and locked in solitary confinement and the only other thing you can look at is a disturbing polaroid photo one One-Toothed Bill. Me? I'll just take to staring at the wall this time. 4/10.